Huffman Coding

A few minutes before her class is to end, I pull into a parking spot at Katie’s gymnastics building. My phone rings over the car’s audio system and I press the little offhook button at the 8 o’clock position on the steering wheel.

“beeeeep”

Oh no, not again.

It is a fax machine calling my cell phone. Annoyed, I hang up. I recognized the sound immediately as this has happened before. I knew, even before I checked, that the display on my cellphone would show it as UNKNOWN. There is no way to determine the source of the call. I cannot call (or fax) anyone back to tell whoever that my number is not a fax machine. Perhaps in a prior life my cell phone number belonged to a fax machine, but for over two years the number has been mine and the faxes have never gone through. And still they can’t take the hint.

Occasionally, I’ll be so pissed that I’ll beeeeeep back at it with my vocal chords to confuse the machine, but of course it never falls for it. It doesn’t make me feel better either.

But that doesn’t stop the machine from re-trying. Five minutes later the phantom faxer calls again. At least I’m out of the car. I answer and hang up again. I don’t bother letting it go to my voice mail. That would mean letting ring and ring for a half minute, followed by another ring when my voice mail tells me that I missed the call. Then I would have to erase the voice mail message. Been there. Done that.

Back in the car driving Katie home, it calls a third time. Nothing I can do to stop it. Annoying me and using my cell phone minutes to boot.

The faxes come in spurts. I’ll go a few months without a fax call, then I can get a handful in a week. All with caller id: UNKNOWN.

At least I’m awake. In the past, they’ve called at 3 in the morning. Every five minutes.

Grrr.

Alot of the advice I’ve read on how to blog say that you should pick a topic and stick with it. You are more apt to build a repeat audience when you appear to be an expert and source of valuable information on something, rather than a collection of random thoughts.

Based on historical data, it appears my candidate topics are:

• My wife still hasn’t sat in the family’s sedan
• Intolerance of people who Aren’t Like You sucks
• Rebates suck

Since my wife will sit in my car eventually, I’m figuring that is not a long term blog prospect. Update: The wife of a neighbor was in the car a few days ago, but not Chris yet.

There are alot of blogs on the second topic. Update: Bigotry still sucks.

So I am left I with whining about my latest rebate experiences…

When I filled my rebate form for my notebook mouse, I noticed that hidden in step 2 it said (in 6 point font!): “Acquire any new Laptop Computer from a Microsoft authorized reseller or a participating retailer on or between 2/13/05 and 4/16/05.“.

Grr. So much for that rebate. (In the meantime the web retailer had lowered its price too.)

The one big rebate that I hadn’t received yet was for the cell phone. I wasn’t worried about it because I received an e-mail from the cell phone company on March 30th with the subject “Your Sprint Rebate is Being Processed”. Cool.

Two weeks later, with no rebate check in sight, I followed the web link in the e-mail: “The Terms and Conditions for this offer require a 2-year Advantage Agreement with the activation of your new PCS Phone Number. Out records indicate you have not met that requirement.” Great, the salesman didn’t renew the contract when I bought the phone.

But when I go to another part of Sprint’s website and they tell me that my “PCS Advantage Agreement” expires on 9/19/06. Ahem. It seems the left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing.

So I go to yet another part of their website to click on the “Frequently Asked Questions” link. It gives me a 404.

Then I try their customer support web form. I dutifully enter all my contact information and explain, in the form’s text box, what had happened and that perhaps their records are messed up. When I pressed [Submit], I got a “Your question is more than 500 characters.” Huh? 500 bytes flying across the Internet is nothing. That’s maybe a tenth the size of banner ad on the page. That’s about 75 words. Can every customer service problem be asked in 75 words? Geez.

So I remove some introductory sentences and try again. Still too wordy. I remove the “please”s and “thank you”s and try again. It accepts my shortened 411-character reply. At 2am the following morning (I wonder in what country that employee is working), the problem is fixed. I’ll get my check sometime in May. Yet another rebate successfully hassled. I think.

Meanwhile the price of the phone went down $40.

According to John Gibson of Fox News:

“The basic idea behind marriage has been to set up a system for the raising of kids” and if you have to go “to the abandoned kids store” to have them, you should be “out of the marriage game.”

Gee, I think it is a good thing if a couple wants to provide a home for an orphaned child or two or, in my case, three. In my book one or two parents is better than zero.

He’s trying to take a swipe at gay couples (cause bigotry against them is okay on his channel), but in the process he’s calling my marriage a sham.

Today is the start of No Name-Calling Week. It is aimed at giving teachers the resources to teach why it is bad to slur, insult, bully or tease other kids about their appearance, ethnicity, or whatever. The have a video and handouts with discussion topics. They have an essay from girl who was teased because she had glasses and was Jewish. A bunch of “teachable moments” for the classroom and how we all should get along.

Surely no one would have a problem with this, right?

Not so fast.

The Concerned Women for America goes on record as saying that this is sinister and that it is wrong to be nice to people who are different.

This parallels Jame Dobson’s outing of SpongeBob SquarePants. He got chided for picking on SpongeBob SquarePants, but then clarified that his problem was with “an organization that’s determined to promote the acceptance of homosexuality.” Not promoting homosexuality, but merely promoting acceptance of homosexuality. Not only is homosexuality a sin, but it is also wrong to even be accepting of the sinner.

Therefore friends it is okay to continue to divide and conquer America and feel contempt for your fellow man. It is the right thing to do, regardless of what Jesus said.

Three and half years ago, I took a business trip to Greece. Normally I don’t mind travelling, but this was a trip right out of a travel book by Kafka. I was subject to the whims of a clueless, boorish, duplicitous salesman for four weeks.

Three weeks into my absence, my (then) 3-year-old remarked to my overworked wife: “Daddy’s not coming home is he?”

The only thing that preserved my sanity was a daily missive to my co-workers back home to blow off steam. With each one I vented on the sub-optimal state of things and as the month progressed it got circulated to a wider audience. I suppose it was a precursor to this blog. Angst and all.

When I started veering into non-work related topics (like Athenian taxis), my project manager requested that I only sent the e-mail updates to him. At least until the CEO complained that he no longer got the unvarnished scoop.

That particular development opportunity turned out to be a boondoggle and while I’ve gone onto to more productive pursuits, I still wince when I am reminded of it.

I was gone so long that I was issued a corporate American Express to cover my expenses. Eventually my company realized my time was better spent in the office programming, so I now travel much less and the card was cancelled within the year.

This weekend I got a letter from the LiPuma Settlement Administrator. Evidently Edward LiPuma, an American Express cardholder, sued the company because they did not accurately disclose their fees for converting foreign purchases into U.S. currency. Apparently Turkish purchases were remarkably overcharged due its devaluation years ago.

Now I don’t know how much of a world traveller Eddie was, but for just that month I racked up $3600 in foreign expenses. I’m guessing that due to the “Alleged Rounding Damages” I was overcharged about $30 in fees. The total settlement for cardholders is for about $75M.

If my refund ever comes, I think I’ll take take my wife out to dinner.

Probably not Greek though.

This holiday has been a “rebate” Christmas. I’ve got five rebates (totalling over $300) for various purchases this season. Now that I know the gift won’t get returned, the last rebate form will go in tomorrow’s mail. Wouldn’t you know they all went to separate addresses.

I’m not a fan of rebates. You have to cut up cardboard boxes, photocopy receipts, and read all the tiny print to make sure you submit everything completely. In this instant electronic fund transfer world, I resent that you have to fill out a form with a pen and lick a stamp. On the other side of the country (in Young America, MN or Calais, ME) some guy is entering data from my handwriting so I can get a check mailed back in two months. Then there is that trip to the bank to deposit a check for a whopping $3. In the meantime I’ve paid tax on the rebate difference and the balance has been on my Visa in the interim. Blech.

I know they increase the hassle factor to discourage the submittal of rebates. Only 40% of rebates are ever turned in. Complicated procedures increase the changes of the form being rejected so they can pocket the money too, but that turns off customers in the long term doesn’t it? I remember getting a rejection postcard a few years ago: “The $20 rebate for product X has expired.” Their data entry was in error, I was applying for a different rebate offer for a different product.

All parties involved could save time and labor/postage costs, if the merchant electronically sent in the rebate request in for you at the time of purchase: “Hey, Casio, credit Visa account xxxx for $20 because Ken bought your TV.” Think of the customer goodwill. It is even more illogical when rebate goes back to the merchant anyway as was the case for a majority of my holiday rebates!

Staples is starting to automate the process, but there are still problems: only some of their rebates can be handled online; if you purchase something online and the rebate expires before they ship it, you’re out of luck; and you still have to run to your bank to deposit that $3 check.

I never used to keep track of the rebates but since I had so many of them this holiday, I now have an excel spreadsheet to monitor the checks coming back. I never used to know if they incorrectly entered the mailing address.

After more than one check came addressed to “Kenneth Hoffman,” I now make sure I enter my name and address is printed neatly and is unambiguous. I now realize my daughter is scarred for life: “That’s ‘Marissa,’ with one R and two S’s, middle name ‘Leigh,’ spelled L-E-I-G-H, and ‘Huffman’ with a ‘U’ and only one ‘N’.” For the rest of her life.

But all this hassle is starting to pay off! The rebate I sent in three weeks ago, came back today. Yes, KENNETH MUFFMAN is now $50 richer.

Two days ago a co-worker noticed a pleasant smell in my office. Oddly enough he was the second person to make such a comment within a span of a couple of hours. A nice sweet smell.

I had to take him at his word because I have a very degraded sense of smell. An odor has to be very strong and foul before it will register with my olifactory sensors. Flowers don’t register, nor does perfume. Spoiled milk in a sippy cup that has rolled under the passenger seat of my car and baked in the hot sun in an airport parking lot for a week doesn’t either. Nope, not until I remove the lid and stick my face in it. (But I digress.)

So yesterday when another co-worker remarked that they sweet smell had become a much less desirable sweet-vinegary smell I took notice. I enlisted about a half dozen co-workers to help me deduce the cause. We, um.. THEY couldn’t quite locate the exact source. It was important that we do so because I was going to gone for the holidays and I didn’t want the smell to foment in my office for a couple weeks. I would become a pariah when I returned. Perhaps even more than I already am among my fellow employees.

I had apples in my office for lunch and they were banished from the room to see if they were the cause. They weren’t. I also have a tabletop full of soda cans that were destined for home and recycling. They were empty and didn’t seem to be the problem. Since the company provides soda for free, my co-workers drink more than they normally would at home and few dozen are dropped off on the table each day. I remove the tabs off each one for Ronald McDonald House, then crush and bag them.

Occasionally the cans deposited will still have residual liquid in them and I will have to dispose of the can’s contents before crushing. Why bother finishing a warm can if another cold one is available for free? There is one particular friend who usually cannot commit to an entire twelve ounces at a time. I keep a milk jug for that purpose. I dump the unconsumed sodas in the jug and then take it to the bathroom for disposal. I purposely chose an opaque jug.

To eliminate another possible odoriferous culprit, I decided to crush and bag the cans. But they weren’t the source of the smell either. It remained after the cans were in the bag. Unlike usual, I hadn’t emptied the jug the last time since I used it, so I just added to it. On the way to the bathroom with the capped milk jug, I stopped by a friend’s office to lament the fruitless search for the smell’s origination. During the conversation, I patted the side of jug and, apparently under pressure, it burst a hole at a seam. The source of the stench was thus discovered. I was lightly spritzed with brown soda. Even I could smell the effect of the leftover soda that had been fermenting in the jug.

I took the jug, which had thankfully not lost much of its contents, immediately to the washroom commode. In my haste to dispose of the aromatic fluid, I had forgotten that the milk jug now had a hole in the side of it and the soda mostly ended up on the stall floor.

I then grabbed a large handful of paper towels from the dispenser to wipe up the mess. In case you are ever in this situation, be advised that a dozen or so paper towels do not flush as easily toilet paper. And whatever you do, do not attempt to resolve the situation by flushing a second time when it backs up.

It seemed important right at that moment to think fast. The adjoining stall, thankfully empty, had a deformed plunger. After re-forming the plunger into a cup, it proved capable of saving the day and preventing this blog entry from getting any longer this current is. Whew.

I visited Pilanesberg National Park in South Africa. Here are a few things I saw:

A market near the local dam

The Bakubung gate of the Pilanesberg National Park

In case you didn't know there were animals in the park

Traffic Jam

Two funny looking Zebras

One of the two "big five" spotted in the park

Still haven’t been unable to find souvenirs for my wife and kids. (Actually I am unwilling to spend $40 on a T-shirt or a stuffed animal.)

I am in South Africa on business. It is beautiful country and my company has a great relationship with companies it does business with down here. Other than having the most unique AC power outlets (which seem to be incompatible with every other country), I adjust just fine to civilization down here. The food and personalities are just great.

One thing that takes me aback though is the level of crime. I haven’t experienced any problems personally so I am floored when I hear that they put GPS tracking devices on air conditioners in case they are stolen from cell towers. Oh, and in the interest of full disclosure, they note when a highway off ramp is less than ideal.

Note the size of the sign. I am 5'7"

On the drive home from work, Chis called to ask if my Chase Master Card was still in my wallet. She added that the credit card company had just called to report suspicious charges. The card number was used to buy flowers in New York.

This has happened before. While Chris was at work a few years ago, her purse (placed under her desk) was picked during work hours while she was elsewhere. When we got home their was a message to call Chase back. They reported that a washer and dryer were bought with her card on the other end of town.

I don’t know how their articial intelligence engine works but it is uncannily accurate.

I’ve only gotten one false drop and that was with a different card company. While at a conference, my card was refused when I attempted to pay for parking at a hotel. The week before my travel to Atlanta, I had also purchased a computer from North Carolina (Gateway). Such geographically disperse purchases looked unusual on my card. They did call confirm the charges but of course I was not home to answer the phone.

We now warn our credit card company when we will be travelling so it doesn’t get canceled while we are on the road. It kinda matters when you travel to atypical places (like, ah, China).