Huffman Coding

My co-workers enjoy my “Back in my day..” anecdotes. It makes them feel young.

But when exactly did a simple handle no longer suffice for a toilet?

I was going to post a very meaningful, emotional story about whats been going on with Katie this past week, but as I was prying Chris for additional details she queried, with glare I’ve been getting all too often lately, “Are you going to blog this?”

Apparently I won’t.

But to make sure you don’t go away empty handed, I will report that today Marissa learned that the word “belched” means the same as “burped.” That is not too private to share.

Are humans on earth to torture cats or are cats on earth to torture humans?

I think it is mutual.

My testes are revolting.

Wait… that didn’t come out right. Let’s try again.

The twins aren’t partial to the heat generated by my laptop. I thought I could live with it, but I eventually realized that there was no reason to remain uncomfortable day after day so I went ahead and got the Lapinator. (You have to pronounce it with the accent of a Californian governor.)

The top surface feels like a mouse pad, in fact, I wish they had a wider version so I could put my notebook mouse on it instead of having to grab a sofa pillow.

A little overpriced, but I like it. The name alone is worth half the price. :-)

When my wife (girlfriend at the time) got a cat eons ago, I went along with her because I thought our relationship was headed somewhere and I wanted her to get a cat that matched my off-white carpet in case she ever moved in.

Since we only had an approximate idea of how old he was, we decided to give Bam Bam a birthdate of Valentine’s Day. Everybody say: Ahhh, isn’t that adorable..

Being a geeky guy who’s into trinkets lately, perhaps I, for a birthday present, should get him (it?) a cell phone.

Katie has a project due for school. Which, for a first grader, means her Mother has a project due for school.

They have been learning about the Arctic and each kid is suppose to pick an Arctic animal and come up with some art showing it in its natural habitat. Katie has decided to do a baby seal diorama.

Chris made a trip to the craft store and brought home, to represent a small iceberg on which a beanie baby will sit, a 1″ x 6″ x 12″ plank of “Genuine STYROFOAM.”

Boy am I glad she did. It just wouldn’t seem right if she were to use artificial styrofoam.

Today is the start of No Name-Calling Week. It is aimed at giving teachers the resources to teach why it is bad to slur, insult, bully or tease other kids about their appearance, ethnicity, or whatever. The have a video and handouts with discussion topics. They have an essay from girl who was teased because she had glasses and was Jewish. A bunch of “teachable moments” for the classroom and how we all should get along.

Surely no one would have a problem with this, right?

Not so fast.

The Concerned Women for America goes on record as saying that this is sinister and that it is wrong to be nice to people who are different.

This parallels Jame Dobson’s outing of SpongeBob SquarePants. He got chided for picking on SpongeBob SquarePants, but then clarified that his problem was with “an organization that’s determined to promote the acceptance of homosexuality.” Not promoting homosexuality, but merely promoting acceptance of homosexuality. Not only is homosexuality a sin, but it is also wrong to even be accepting of the sinner.

Therefore friends it is okay to continue to divide and conquer America and feel contempt for your fellow man. It is the right thing to do, regardless of what Jesus said.

I am not a fan of birthday party gift bags. Everyone gives them out nowadays, including Chris at our own daughters’ parties.  They have the feel of bribes to me.  What happened to going to a party simply to share in someone’s special day?  Perhaps I am bitter because no one gave them out when I attended birthday parties as a kid.

One of Marissa’s friends had a birthday party today.  Not even the lure of a gift bag and cake could motivate her to go, but mom insisted she go with her sister.  The mom had organized a dance party where the participants dressed up and learned a few dance moves and gave a little recital afterward.  They danced to Shrek and other songs.  The birthday girl had the microphone and was doing karaoke. A very nice idea, but I heard that Marissa was a stick in the mud while Chris was there.  She wouldn’t dress up or dance.  Katie thankfully got into it.

But both scored a gift bag nonetheless.  Katie got an award for “Best Body Moves.” I believe it: she has a low center of gravity and is a booty shaker.  Marissa got the “Most Creative Dance Steps” award.  This for doing absolutely nothing and being a snot about it.  I wasn’t there, but I kinda would have preferred that she had not gotten anything in return for her petulance.

But in the still of the evening Marissa, in her pink jammies, grabbed her drawing notebook and sat down at the kitchen table.  Unprompted and in minute detail, she drew a girl in high heels, microphone in hand on a lighted stage.  Stars surrounded the stage and little notes were sprinkled in the air.

She had had a good time, but could not come to admit it in front of her mother.

It has been two months since our last alert, but we here at the Center for the Study of the Sexuality of Fictional Characters With No Apparent Gentalia have recently been informed that Spongebob Squarepants is gay. And not just in the carefree way.

This should have been obvious to us before because he is thin, neat, and unmarried, but it had not occurred to us at CSSFCWNAG that his relationship with Sandy Cheeks might be a ruse to cover for his more furtive proclivities.

We are re-doubling our efforts to monitor the activities of other cartoon characters. While we haven’t received independent confirmation yet, we fear that the Powerpuff Girls might be lesbians.

So what does it say about you, if out of the Top Ten PDA Failures, you’ve actually owned two of them (#4 & #10)?

Weeks after I bought my current PDA, it went on the endangered list too.

Because I’m in a cathartic mood, I could also mention that I’ve owned computers from these defunct manufacturers: Columbia, Micron and Trash-80.

I now own a Dell and an HP. Sell your stock now.