Huffman Coding

I think Claire must have seen The Shawshank Redemption [spoiler] before we adopted her.

Each day she comes home with her pants pocket filled with pebbles.

I get a handful of these e-mails each year. This guy didn’t give up until it was too late.

Original e-mail:

From: Sundarram V. Paravastu [mailto:pvsundarram@gmail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, September 27, 2005 12:31 PM
Subject: need help

Air Conditioners and Computers are similar in some ways. Both are
useless when you open ‘Windows’.

My response:

Paravastu,

Ken

His response:

ken,
the thing is i dont know java properly and also dont have enough time for me to learn and then code. got to submit my assignment tomorrow. it will be of great help to
me if u give the code of the decoder.
thanx anyway

My second response:

Can you give me the e-mail address of your professor? I’d like to verify that this is okay with him.

Him:

ken,
i ll get screwed if u tell this to my prof.
i am basically a C programmer thats why i am asking ur help
i dont know much about java
i am planning to learn java but its a bit too late now

Me:

Somehow I doubt your professor gave you this assignment just today.
It appears your decision to procrastinate not learn Java has you screwed already.

Him:

i have to submit this assignment tomorrow and i dont kno a thing abt java
i would really appreciate if u give the code

Me:

You are asking a total stranger to help you cheat.

Him:

come on ken
u are just helping a needy student
and where does this word cheat fit in

Me:

I assume by the word “needy” you mean “lazy.”
You want to pass off my code as your own.
How can that not be considered cheating?

Him:

ken,
i wont tell that its totally my code
i will tell him that i fixed many bugs in code and that code is under gpl
will have ur name on the file
and this is not cheating
are u really a opensource programmer
if u r a opensource programmer may be u should share ur program with the community.

Me (after a google search):

The point of open source code is not for one person to do the homework for many.
The point of college is to learn a profession, not to learn how to search google and e-mail.

It would be a lie to tell your professor that you fixed many bugs in my code.
And with absolutely no Java experience, I find it offensive that you would claim to correct me.
I have contacted the professors at Sri Venkateswara College of Engineering.

Him:

what have you done
you could have just turned me down
you have literally screwed me
how could you that
i am screwed

Katie: “What’s your dickens?”

Me: “What?”

Katie: “You know, like ‘You scared the dickens out of me!’”

Shortly after I got my PC four years ago, I transfered the video of my adoption trips to Vietnam and China onto my computer. I then spent more money that I care to admit (the stuff is much cheaper now) on software and hardware to edit the video. I turned two hours of wobbly video into two 20-minute wobbly videos. But with cross fades and a running commentary! One each for Marissa and Katie.

I added treacly theme music as well. The song that plays off and on during Marissa’s video is Slumber My Darling from Yo Yo Ma’s Appalachian Journey. Katie’s is Taking You Home from Don Henley’s Inside Job.

During dinner last night, we had World News Tonight on and in the closing moments of the newscast, they showed scenes of the memorial service for Peter Jennings. During one of the scenes, they played the Yo Yo Ma redition.

Marissa, who was pushing around the vegetarian lasagna on her plate, perked up: “They’re playing my song!”

Okay, now I officially feel guilty for not having started Claire’s video yet.

Unlike his usual self, BamBam has been pleasant to everyone lately. Chris committed to him before she committed to me. I was however at the humane society when she picked him out. I thought our relationship was serious enough at the time to steer her towards a cat that would match my off-white carpet.

We got a postcard in the mail from the vet reminding us of his annual check-up. Because Chris is always one to make sure he always has his shots, she made an appointment for this past Friday.

A little known fact about vaccines is that some can cause cancer. We know this NOW because BamBam has a lump on the back of his neck in the exact spot where this indoor cat was given his rabies shot years ago. The vet knew what it was immediately. And after a blood test, was able to confirm that his Fibrosarcoma had metastasized into his bone marrow. The vet estimates that he has a month to live, perhaps a few more if he is given oral steroids; which we will assuredly do.

Chris took it hard. Even though I help bring him into the family, he has always been her pet. She called shortly after the diagnosis and urged me to come home early and take the girls out of the house when they got home from school. The girls were planning on going to grandma’s county fair this weekend anyway, so I took them up to see farm animals, ride the ferris wheel, and eat hot dogs and ice cream.

We came home Saturday and that evening, after Claire had gone to bed, I gently mentioned to the Marissa and Katie that BamBam was sick and wasn’t going to get better. When they realized BamBam wasn’t going to make it to his next birthday, they took it hard too. I felt pretty bad because there was nothing daddy could do to take the hurt away from a pair of grieving seven-year-olds.

Early this morning, Katie came into our bedroom and asked where the camera was. Her little body climbed to the top of the hutch to retrieve it. She took picture after picture of BamBam until the batteries died. She wanted a way to remember him.

Best way to play musical chairs?

Two girls, Four chairs

Use more chairs than people.

So if you were planning these events, in what order would you put them?

1) Having Nico, the rat from Claire’s daycare class, over for the weekend to roll around on the carpet and poop outside his cage.
2) Having the carpets cleaned.

I guessed wrong too.

I’ve had my Vonage Voice-Over-IP phone service for 150 days.

How do I know? The rebate spreadsheet that I keep indicates that it took 147 for the last of the three Vonage rebates to arrive in the mail.

So how many mail-in offers have you seen that said you should “Allow 21 weeks for delivery.” It is a personal rebate best. Er, rather, worst.

That beats the three rebates checks that came in the mail today: two hard drive rebates (96 days) and a Listerine rebate (114 days).

In addition to the one everyone’s been giving to, this week I also wrote a check to the Lance Armstrong Foundation, another worthy charity. While it helps that I bike and he does too, the reason I give is that it is the right thing to do. And if he sends me another yellow wristband or a hat, that’s okay too.

More than a year ago, Chris bought purple and white Adoption=Love wristbands for the family. She promptly squirreled them away never to be worn.

Nowadays you can get just about any color wristband to support the cause of your choice. Chris even received a black and blue wristband from her boss, an orthopaedic trauma surgeon, last year. Get it? Black and Blue. Orthopaedic Trauma! Those surgeons are such cut ups.

My buddy Lance was once asked what he thought of those other colored, laser-etched silicone wristbands. He thought it was okay as long as they supported other non-profit causes. He wasn’t keen on people selling them just to make a buck. I kinda agree.

Well at the checkout stand of my local grocer’s this night, they were selling “Collect-A-Band” wristbands. Ten silicone wristbands in assorted colors for $4.99. They didn’t say anything and not a penny went to charity. And one of the ten was that famous yellow color.

So instead of spending a whopping buck to support real cancer research, you can now spend $5 and make up ten worthy causes that you can pretend to support. Fallen arches, Heartbreak of Psoriasis, … your options are only limited by your principles.

Today Chris tried to take a picture of Claire in her underwear. Chris, who scrapbooks, wanted a photo for a “potty training” page in Claire’s lifebook.

Chris even has stickers to put on the page. Cartoon drawings of of little hearts, toilet paper rolls, flowery underwear, a potty chair. Even a cartoon of the backside of a little girl pulling up her shorts. With a tiny girl butt crack.

Well Claire would have none of this photo opportunity. I remarked to my wife that scrapbooking her potty training would embarrass her in ten years (As opposed to blogging about her on the Internet which is perfectly harmless).

Chris replied that it would only embarrass her if she showed it to someone.

And what again, I wondered to myself, is the purpose of creating a lifebook?